Life Lesson One: Supplemental Study Notes.

Welcome Students!

Further to Life Lesson One: Advanced Instrumental Basics, we will delve deeper into the three techniques that are essential in garnering female attention for the modern Bass Guitarist while performing live on stage.

Life Lesson One, Supplemental Study 

Technique One: The Pelvic Girdle Tilt 

A primal move, dating back to the very Dawn of Mankind. It has been used throughout history to demonstrate dominance, virility and mating availability.

The “tilt,” is generated by a lateral thrust of the pelvic girdle. To develop the power and stamina required for consistency and accuracy, the following exercises are recommended:

Standing Buttock Clenches

Stand straight with your feet shoulder width apart. Isometrically flex your glute muscles in pulses to the beat of the opening credits of Masterclass Bass Lessons.

Warning: Do not perform this exercise at a bus stop or while being questioned by the Police.

Seated Buttock Clenches

Sit in a chair with your back straight and place both feet flat on the floor. Isometrically flex your glute muscles in pulses to the beat of the opening credits of Masterclass Bass Lessons.

Pro Tip: While performing this exercise, make direct eye contact with family members you don't particularly get along with.

Pelvic Girdle Tilt Tip: Wear extremely tight pants when performing live on stage. The tighter the pants, the better the support your muscles will receive and the greater the spectacle of your pelvis and surrounding nethers will be.

Technique Two: Finger Snap Attacks

Nothing says, “give me your attention, I'm important,” more than a well executed flurry of staccato like finger snaps. 

In order to make each finger snap uniform and as percussive as possible, the following exercises are recommended:

Isolated Concentration Middle Finger Extensions:

Stand straight and relaxed with your feet shoulder width apart in your bathroom. Face the mirror with your arm bent at the elbow. Make a fist and point the back of your hand toward the mirror. Thrust your middle finger straight up to an erect position, then slowly return the finger back down for a controlled negative.

Set and Reps: Perform as many clean and controlled repetitions while listening to the opening credits of Masterclass Bass Lessons.

Pro Tip: Think of your Lead Vocalist or Guitarist while performing this exercise. Call out their names rather than counting repetitions if it makes for a more enjoyable experience. 

Thumb and Middle Finger Isometric Pincer Holds:

Grab a tennis ball by the thumb and middle finger only. Squeeze the ball between thumb and middle finger in an isometric contraction and hold for the duration of the end credits of Masterclass Bass Lessons. Watch the end credits three times. 

Technique Three: Thumb Bumping

The Fonz is cool. So is flaunting an upright thumb and saying, “Aaaay!!!” Unfortunately there are hardly any known techniques that make Bass Guitarists look cool. Fortunately, Thumb Bumping is one of the few.

Therefore in order to keep your thumb upright, stable and clearly visible, the following protocol is advised.

Incline Preacher Thumb Thrusts:

While sitting in your favorite Chaise Lounge, place your forearm on the armrest. Make a fist, now stick your thumb out as though you're hitchhiking. Perform this motion as many times as possible while watching an entire episode of Masterclass Bass Lessons.

Pro Tip: During the course of the day, whenever you would point, turn on a light switch or scratch an itch, use your thumb rather than your index finger in order to build effective muscle memory.

Warning: Never go into a Colonoscopy Clinic with an erect thumb especially if you are nearsighted.

Lesson Summary:

And there you have it. Three essential techniques for the modern bass player to attract female attention while performing live on stage. 

If mastered and used effectively, you might never have to convince security that you really are a member of the band ever again.

Medical Disclaimer: 

Please remember when partaking in any new physically strenuous activities to consult your family physician and neighbour before starting any exercise program.